Do you remember that Gwyneth Paltrow movie Sliding Doors?
I may be stuck in the ‘90s but I tend to still use it as a reference in my life - ‘This is like Sliding Doors’, I’ll say when a friend is making a decision or when I’m confused about which option to choose.
For those who don’t remember it, the premise of the movie is a ‘what if’ scenario. In one reality Gwyneth Paltrow’s character jumps on a train home, finding her husband cheating on her and in the other she misses the train and is none the wiser.
Now the outcome of the movie is (spoiler alert) that things end up the same anyway, which isn’t necessarily my belief, but I’ve been thinking a lot recently about making ‘right’ decisions, doing things at the ‘right’ time and living life ‘right’ in general.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Libra but I’m fairly indecisive and love to overthink my way around every decision I make (and even made, past tense, sometimes). I really don’t enjoy this about my brain but I’m consciously aware of it and am working on not dwelling on each and every decision quite so much. Here’s what I’ve realised:
There is no right decision
This has sunk in for me this year and has kind of blown my mind. I was pretty certain for a lot of years that you could make right or wrong decisions but now, bar doing something really horrible in my life, I’ve realised that there is no such thing as a right or wrong decision - just a decision in itself.
How would I know what was right or wrong anyway?
I can’t do a Gwyneth Paltrow and live both realities in parallel so I just have to back myself and know each decision will lead where it’s going to lead.
As I’ve mentioned in past posts, I really enjoy my job. Although I also enjoyed my last job and particularly loved the people I worked with, I knew it was time for a change of industry, and felt some guilt about only staying in my last job for around 18 months. The job before that (are you following?) I’d been at for five years and I initially felt it had been a waste to move to a new one, only to move on again so quickly.
Except, if I hadn’t moved to my last job, I may never have heard about my current company and be where I am now. So rather than obsess over making that wrong decision between jobs, I can see it as the right decision quite easily. Which leads me to...
You can find good or bad in any decision if you look for it
Our brains have been trained to obsess about major decisions that need to be made, and who hasn’t heard of the good old pros and cons list?
If those lists help you, I’m all for it, but it’s also proof that you can find good and bad in any decision. It’s what you focus on that matters.
Last decade (gulp) I moved to London and, for certain reasons, had to leave my boyfriend back in Australia to do so. I could have obsessed about what leaving him meant for our relationship and where that would leave us in the long run, and, although it was difficult, I did my best to focus on what I wanted to experience in London and where I wanted to travel in Europe.
Looking back now, I would have missed so much if I’d only focused on the negative side of my decision to live there and am so grateful I was able to do it from a place of backing my own decision.
Indecisiveness stops you from making your next decision
Whether you’ve recently made a decision or are coming up to making one, spending your time in a place of worry or regret is not fun, and also not particularly useful.
What worry and regret do is keep us stuck in the past or obsessing over a current decision and, if we’re stuck, we are stopping ourselves from moving forward with new decisions.
I relaunched my website in May, and I spent a lot of time at the start of the year worrying about how I’d pull it off - I tossed and turned over whether I should have hired a designer and web developer to completely redo it, or whether working on it myself was ok for now.
After launching on 1 May, I was so happy to have the new website out there and have now been able to move on with other decisions and parts of my business - working with coaching clients, being featured in interviews on other websites and, I know in the future, I will probably relaunch again when I feel the time is right.
Are you making any tough decisions at the moment? Or are you spinning out over a decision you’ve already made? Book in a 30 minute complimentary chat with me so we can talk through it.