This New Mantra Will Change Your Days

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Patience seems to be my theme of 2018. In all sorts of ways, I am learning to be more patient - with the activities of my day, with long term goals, with people.

Spending a lot of time with my baby this year, life has taken a new, slower pace.

Earlier in the year, I was feeding her at the dark and civilised hour of 4am. I found myself waiting and waiting, timing her feed.

After it was done I was watching the clock as I waited for her to burp. I felt impatient and I wanted it to be done so I could get back to bed.

After lots of time spent reading and listening to Alex Franzen, the queen of appreciating ‘life minutes’ as she calls them, I was reminded of a quote from one of her books… ‘Allow it to take as long as it takes’.

Bleary eyed, I repeated this to myself and looked at my daughter. She didn’t care how long things were taking and she had nowhere else she wanted to be. And neither did I.

Now, I use this mantra regularly.

When thinking about a goal or purchase I want to be here right here, right now, I remind myself - allow it to take as long as it takes.

When I’m cooking and find myself wanting the preparation to be done and to be sitting at the table eating the finished product already. I stop and think - allow it to take as long as it takes.

Are you rushing through your daily activities, wishing they were done already?

Are you impatiently waiting for your train to arrive at your station, anxious for your name to be called at the coffee shop, restless for the stretching track in your gym class to be finished already? 

Maybe you’re impatient for a promotion, a new car, a boyfriend, a holiday to be here already?

What if you stopped the mental struggle and allowed life to take as long as it takes?

You Can't Always Get What You Want

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Hi readers!

Some big news here on the blog - I went and had myself a baby girl!

There’s been a little less content around here while I learned the ins and outs of having a beautiful newborn baby, but I’m excited to be back, writing to you all and coaching clients again.

You can imagine there’s been some hefty lessons that have come with this time in my life. I’ve been mentally storing them up to share with you readers, in the hopes that they’ll help you in a relevant area of your life too.

So - let’s start with how we try to control outcomes.

Over the years I’ve become pretty great at this.

Sure, I’ve been frustrated with the time it takes to tone up at the gym, but over a series of months I’ve always got there. At work, the promotion might not be available straight away but I keep plugging away and when it’s there, I’ve often been the chosen one.

You can imagine my surprise over the last couple of months when I discovered no matter what action I was taking I couldn’t control a certain result.

I have had some nursing issues (who the hell hasn’t I’ve discovered) and I took it on as a project - I researched all I could, went to appointments, stocked up on supplements and medicine, started my regime with full gusto and was ready for the results to start rolling in…

...then three weeks later… nothing.

Since I was told results should come after two weeks, I was confused. This isn’t what happens to me.

Cue a yucky spiral of sadness, doubt and defeat.

But then I realised… feeling crappy about it was only having one effect. Making me feel like crap.

It seemed I couldn’t change the circumstances, but I could change how I felt about them.

I have been loving being a mum but feeling down doesn’t leave much time to smell the roses and enjoy the moment.

After much thinking, I decided to mentally LET GO OF THE OUTCOME (gasp).

I realised even if I hung on tight to the outcome I wanted, it would still have no effect, so it was time to stop the suffering.

I now feel about a billion times better. Sure, I feel a bit disappointed, but it is what it is. I am trying my best, but sometimes in life that just won’t do the trick.

Can you change your thoughts about something that’s getting you down?

Can you let go of an outcome and, in doing so, let go of some suffering?

I hope you can and feel the relief I’ve finally come to.

Mwah! 

How To Support New Mothers

I’m not a mother myself but have been around lots of babies in the last few years, as friends and family members start to procreate. Apart from my intense fear of holding babies until they can control their necks (who’s with me?!), I’ve always tried to be as supportive as possible as the women in my life go through this life-altering time.

Below are a couple of my tips looking in from the outside, and I also enlisted the help of a mother of three with this advice.

Bring food

My #1 tip is to cook for the new mum and dad. 30 minutes of your life making a lasagna, casserole or whatever dish can easily be divided and transported, will make a huge difference to the life of their family. I usually recommend cooking something that freezes well, but have had numerous testimonies from friends that they eat pretty much whatever I bring them that night, rather than saving it for a busy day. As every day is a busy day now right?!

Forgive them

New mums have told me that they no longer feel like their head is in it - that they’re being a bad friend, host, partner, sister etc during the first months of having a baby. I’ve found this really never to be the case, but even if they are being hopeless, just forgive them.

A new mum’s friend became irate with her because she was always so distracted and was never available to listen to her friend’s problems. And proceeded to tell her so.

Making someone who is going through an intense time feel bad seems pretty low to me. Wait it out and try some empathy.

And the visiting advice from a mother of three?

  • Offer to cuddle the baby while mum has a shower
  • Offer to help mum have a walk around the block or sit with the baby while her and her partner do
  • Run a vacuum over the lounge floor
  • Make her bed
  • Come for afternoon tea (but bring the coffee and the cake)
  • Play with any other children
  • Talk about the 'outside world'
  • Leave your small children at home if you can
  • Offer to pick up groceries for mum from the shops on the way to visit
  • Hold the baby!
  • Don't stay too long
  • Food, food, food!!! (especially for dinner that night) Ed: Supporting my theory above!

Are you a mum? Tell me the best help you’ve had after bringing your new baby home.