An Easy Visualisation Technique to Deal with Negative People

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Earlier this year, I was having trouble with a particular person in my life - I would call him an ‘energy vampire’...

I wasn’t super close to him but had to have a lot to do with him on a week to week basis. In my eyes, he was very negative about life and I felt like I was a sounding board for much of this negativity.

Plodding along through everyday life, I thought the relationship wasn’t having much of an effect on me. I knew how our conversations would go and I would nod and sympathise, then move on with my days.

However at a session with my kinesiologist, the relationship came up as a big red flag in our discussions. Despite the nodding and smiling, underneath I was feeling incredibly drained and exhausted by the relationship and it was bringing me down.

My kinesiologist suggested a great technique that I used around this person from then on and I’ve shared it with clients who are in similar situations.

Whether you’re feeling drained by family, a work colleague or friend, this visualisation technique is designed to protect you from any negative energy while still allowing you to be there for people as needed.

You can do these steps before you speak to them next or during your conversation.

Picture your bubble

This will be different for all of us, but if you picture a bubble around yourself when in conversation with this person, what does it look like?

What is it made out of? Is it wet or dry? What colour is it? Is it round or does it run close to your body?

Let the bubble protect you

Once you have a clear picture of the bubble around you, you can start to imagine it as a sort of shield in conversation with this person.

As the other person speaks, you are protected by the bubble.

Do you see their words bouncing off the bubble? Do their sentences drip down the side? Does the bubble reflect their words back to them?

You can still concentrate on what they’re saying but in the back of your mind, visualise and know you are protected by the bubble.

Repeat

The key is to use this visualisation technique to protect your own energy as needed.

Without the bubble, it’s quite easy to absorb what someone’s saying, feel down about their struggles and leave situations with them feeling depleted.

Using the bubble lets you still hear them out, be there for them, but you know you are protected from any negative words or energy and can move back into your day without your vibe being brought down.

Let me know if you try the bubble technique with someone in your life. How did it work for you?

How To Make Your Energy Last All Day

One of the biggest issues for people these days, and something I talk about often with my clients, is finding the energy to do everything we want to do.

Between the mandatory work and family obligations, let alone the plans of exercise, good food and a side business, it seems inevitable that we're going to collapse into bed each night depleted.

And the worst thing is - we still don’t feel like we got to everything we wanted to that day, so are already planning the to do list of tomorrow.

I was vacuuming my house today (yes, exciting) while listening to a podcast (are you guys into the Audible Esther Perel podcast on relationships? So fascinating!) when I felt super thirsty, hot and overall pretty tired. Old Georgie would have told me to suck it up and keep going until the job was finished. Yeah, she was pretty nice.

New Georgie listened to her energy level. She grabbed a glass of water, her Kindle and sat on the balcony for 10 minutes, taking a break before returning to the housework. She sounds much nicer right?

It’s taken me a long time to learn this but ‘pushing through’ is no longer the best way to get my to do list done and is a surefire way to run out of steam. So what can you do instead?

Change your self-talk

As I mentioned in the scenario above, my self-talk didn’t used to be the greatest. I thought I was super motivated and resilient but, really, I was just treating myself like shit to get things done.

Now, I get to the same destination, but treat myself much more nicely along the way.

I’ve also adopted the mantra ‘I have plenty of time’.

When staring down the barrel of a busy day, I remind myself that ‘I have plenty of time’.

I can either stress and huff and puff through every activity, living out of the moment and fretting about what’s next on the list, or I can do one thing at a time in a relaxed way, with the same result...and so much less stress. Try it!

Get into alignment

Hello Jess Lively. She is all about alignment (I think she recently mentioned she takes around 2-3 hours to get into alignment before she starts work). I’m not at that level but I definitely take time to think about this concept before launching into my next activity.

Tonight, I knew I had to make dinner, then jump on the computer to write to you guys.

Instead of ‘pushing through’ again, I cleared up the kitchen, made myself a peppermint tea, lit a candle, got comfy and settled in to write from a much nicer mental space.

I love to write so why make it a ‘have to’ when it’s a ‘want to’?

Check in with yourself regularly

This is probably my favourite tip and so bleedingly obvious, despite all my years of not doing it.

I learnt it as part of my intuitive eating journey with Paige Schmidt, and although it was specifically related to food back then, I now use it for general day-to-day use.

Depending on my schedule, I try and take a short break mid-morning and mid-afternoon, as well as my regular walk at lunch. I step away from my desk, grab a cup of tea or water, and just take a few minutes to reset my brain.

It helps me refocus on my tasks and particularly helps if I’ve been in a perpetual cycle of email/chat/phone for the last hour or so.

It’s no wonder we don’t feel productive if we never check in with ourselves or step away to recalibrate.

Try these tips this week and let me know how your energy levels go. Have a great one!

What To Do When You're Low On Energy

Confession: over the last few weeks, I feel like I have run out of energy.

Between the clocks changing, work slowing down and the weather feeling much cooler, I’ve fallen out of routine and, to be really honest, feel like a bit of a slug getting around most days.

Now, this is not my style at all. I enjoy being busy - catching up with friends, exercising, working on my business and writing to you guys.

So you can imagine my brain started going a little crazy when those activities fell away and I found myself nodding along to the Netflix notification that my next episode would be starting in 10 seconds.

‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘Get up and do something’
‘You are way behind on your to do list’

Thanks brain! But of course, berating myself wasn’t working or making me feel any better. I took a new perspective and tried these steps instead.

Be kind to yourself

Instead of beating myself up, I took a step back and looked at what was going on.

I’m not a robot who is going to feel the same way and do the same things every day for the rest of my life. I’m going to have ups and downs and feel different week to week and year to year.

Once I accepted this, it took a big load off and I could just accept that I wasn’t running at full steam at the moment.

Appreciate what you had

A few weeks ago, pre-energy slump, I was probably begrudging my busy schedule and responsibilities - and ironically, now I missed them!

The grass is not always greener and I know when I’m back to feeling energetic again, I’m going to bear in mind how much I missed that busy life I created for myself.

Just do something

The other night, while feeling tired after work, I thought: 

‘I’ll just get the laundry on, and will make it a bit more fun by listening to a podcast while I do it.’

After that, I knew I could sit down again and rest.

Lo and behold, once I got the laundry on, I started doing a few other things around the house, then felt ready to reply to some emails I’d been putting off.

My energy level rose as I went and after about an hour of productivity, I was ready to chill out again, knowing I’d made some progress. Don’t push yourself here but doing small things can make you feel much better.

What do you do when you’re in a slump? Let me know in the comments below or over on Facebook.

 

September Recap and October Intentions

Readers - I can’t thank you enough for your lovely words and messages after last month’s recap. August was a tough month and I wanted to preserve one of the purposes of this blog through that post - to show you that life isn’t perfect and that we’re all just doing our best. So thank you again for being here, I appreciate it so much.

September was an improvement and it’s a great time of year - the days are getting longer, the weather is warmer and the last quarter of the year is always full of fun activities.

I had a couple of weekends away too (see the amazing Wilson's Promontory above), which always makes for good memories and weekends that feel extra long.

Now let’s get into how I did with my September intentions:

Increase energy levels

September was a much more balanced month for me - it wasn’t perfect but I was focused on healthier foods, long walks by the river and choosing sleep over big nights out.

It’s good to regain focus after the bumpier seasons of life and taking time to plan and slow down was the way for me to facilitate that.

I also took up some good habits in September - dry body brushing (start doing this immediately, it’s so good!) and drinking apple cider vinegar and lemon water in the morning (I have no idea if this is benefiting me but stay tuned!)

Study comes first

I also did well catching up on my studies but realised I had in fact exaggerated the situation in my head. Like journaling my worries (and realising most were not true), I had blown up in my head that I was quite far behind on my course and then, paralysed by the overwhelm, was putting off delving back in.

When I finally sat down one evening to make my to do list and finalise some worksheets, I realised I was in fact not that far behind and was caught up on a few major things within the hour. I’d spent way more than an hour stressing about it and there I was - I had done it!

What are you procrastinating on or blowing up in your head at the moment? Let me know in the comments below.

October Intentions

Blog it up

In line with my theme of honesty, you may have noticed I haven’t been posting quite as regularly around here.

I’ve been busy and going through some issues yes, but I also haven’t been planning ahead with posts or spending the time I’d usually like to on the blog.

I’ve accepted that as part of this season of life, but still want to be here to serve you through my writing, and also serve myself by doing something I love to do. I have a whole list of posts I want to write so I’m going to prioritise them and carve out time each week to focus on writing.

Please let me know in the comments if there’s any topics you’d like me to specifically post on too!

Rekindle friendships

Along with you lovely blog readers, my friends have been super supportive of me over the last few months. I am trying to live by Brene Brown’s philosophy of vulnerability and it’s tough, but it makes for much stronger connections and conversations.

As we get into the busiest time of year, I want to make sure I have plenty of catch ups planned with my closest friends, not only to benefit me through fun and connection, but also to make sure I’m being there for them now that I’m starting to feel better.

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What have you got planned for October readers?

Let me know your intentions for the month in the comments below and feel free to share this post on social media if you think it will help others.

August Recap and September Intentions

August, what a month you have been. Life threw me a couple of curve balls and it’s an understatement to say I’ve not been feeling so great.

I’ve been drawing pretty heavily on Brooke Castillo’s Self Coaching Model, which I wrote about on the blog last month, and wanted to share this quote from her for anyone going through a tough time - it sounds simplistic but it eventually becomes true:

There has been nothing more empowering than the realisation that I don’t have to think thoughts that bring me pain.

And when all else fails, get your ‘90s hip hop on like me and listen to Ms. Lauryn Hill:

Everything is everything / What is meant to be, will be / After winter, must come spring / Change, it comes eventually...

Well, thanks for listening sweet readers. Now how well do you think I went with my August intentions?

Interrupt the negative voice

Well lo and behold, I actually worked on this one by default!

Journaling my thoughts before bed has been a huge help to me - unpacking them from my brain and getting them on paper eases the rumination a little.

I have mentioned this before, but feel it’s worth mentioning again. Whatever we worry about rarely ever comes true. Keep a record of your worries so you can gather evidence and prove to yourself that this statement is true. Seriously, try it!

Up the training at work

I haven’t done so great here - blocking out time to do self-training at work just isn’t motivating me at the moment.

Do you guys have any tips on how to shift past this?

I know generally I fit better into formal training courses or learning skills on the job (rather than just reading about them), but there’s gotta be a way to move forward here. Let me know your techniques in the comments below!

September Intentions

Increase energy levels

As you can imagine, a stressful August has brought with it some not so great habits - I’ve managed to keep up the exercise thanks to having a gym buddy, but my eating has ranged from not-so-nourishing foods to not eating at all, and alcohol has been featuring a little too frequently.

Now that the fog is lifting a little, I’m going to plan my meals again, get the freezer stocked and try and reduce the social drinking to keep my head clear.

Study comes first

I’ve alluded to some study I’m doing here on the blog - I’m currently doing a life coaching course and loving it. Stay tuned for more about this on the blog!

But of course work, social occasions and general procrastination can get in the way of things we want to focus on most so I’m going to carve out weekend time (another reason to ditch the vino) to make sure I’m on top of my studies.

Have a wonderful September readers - thanks as always for being here!

Lacking Motivation? How To Find Energy When You Have None

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From talking to readers of Where the Light Plays, I get the feeling many of you share common traits. Some of these include commitment to career, health and relationships, getting the most out of your days and weeks, and looking for efficient ways to complete and achieve more tasks and overall life dreams.

I can relate a lot to these qualities, but I am also aware that the momentum behind this drive can wane from time to time.

Some weeks we’re just not hitting the level we’re expecting to. Some nights after work we can’t face the out of hours plans we were looking forward to that morning.

Rather than being hard on yourself or wallowing in a lack of motivation, try these strategies for uncovering energy when you thought you had none.

Do something small

I recently discovered Alexandra Franzen and her mantra ‘Today is not over yet’. Take it easy on yourself when you’re lacking energy and settle on a small task.

Put the laundry on. Book that appointment. Email a friend.

Take a small step and know you’ve done your best. You won’t feel time is wasted and sometimes it can propel you to do other things. And if it doesn’t? Go back to the couch. You have my permission.

Set a timer

This reminds me of my older sister -

“Go and grab me <insert a random thing she couldn’t be bothered to get herself> from my room. I’ll time you”.

I’m pretty sure her strategy was for personal gain and utilising her baby sister as a slave, but a little competition never hurt anyone.

Think you can’t clean your house in 30 minutes? I dare you to try. Think you can’t get in and out of the gym in 40 mins? Time yourself! Whatever you’re dreading, set a friendly timer and get moving.

Create a reward

Yes, yes, more mind games. If you’re feeling depleted but still have a number of tasks that need doing, think of what you’d prefer to be doing right now.

Drinking wine? Having a bubble bath? Going out for dinner with your partner? You can have all that… just as soon as you get at least some of your to do list completed.

Try a different routine

If this kind of lack of energy is a regular occurrence, it might be time to take a wider view of your circumstances. Is housework on a weeknight just never going to work for you? Shift it all to Saturday afternoon. Are you anti-life admin tasks? I truly am!

Stop bemoaning adulthood and batch your taxes, budgeting, healthcare, etc reviews in together so they’re wiped out in one fell swoop. Monitor your moods and schedule recurring activities accordingly.

Look at the basics

Again, this is part of a bigger picture review. If you’re not enjoying sleep, exercise and nourishing food in equal proportions, you’re probably never going to live at optimum capacity.

When we’re busy, these aspects are often the first to suffer. However, without a strong foundation you can wind up exhausted and in no mood for either the necessities or more important things in life.

Put yourself first, recharge and the energy will come.

Like this post? Please share with your friends!


How To Deal With Energy Vampires and One-Uppers

 
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Although we try to keep things positive here at Where the Light Plays, it is worth admitting life isn't all peaches and cream.

Many types of people will come our way in life, but here's two I personally have trouble dealing with - the energy vampire (aka the drainer) and the one-upper. 

Energy vampires

I can feel them right now! These people seem to cross your path just to suck the life out of you and leave you feeling exhausted. They constantly mope and bemoan their own lives.

Now, I'm completely up for listening to and helping friends (and they do the same for me), but these people take, take and take some more, and never give much at all.

The one-upper

I'm sure you've crossed paths with a one-upper in your time. They seem to pop up at many stages of life - high school, work, mother's group. If you did this, they did that. If you went there in 2004, they were there in 1989.

I used to think people like this thought they were better than everyone else. Upon closer examination, I truly think they are either insecure OR they are trying to impress you, which is essentially a compliment.

So how do we deal with these people?

Don't play the game

It's extremely easy to get caught in the trap of an energy vampire or one-upper.

For energy sappers, we either try and make them see the bright side of life or provide advice that they'll never take. One-uppers we might try and compete with or talk over the top of during conversation.

Neither work. Step away from the conversation.

Now.

Get yourself a mantra

When we're seeing red or feeling overwhelmed, it can be hard to step back and have perspective. Here's where a handy mantra can come in.

One of my ex co-workers was a total drainer - I would leave conversations feeling completely deflated. So I got a mantra from Gabby Bernstein: 

"I choose to see peace instead of this."

It worked brilliantly before, during and after conversations to repeat it in my head as needed.

 Gabby has some great ideas and videos on how to deal with these types of people.

Spend time with the right people

You may not always be able to but, when you can, hang out with friends and coworkers who are like-minded.

Don't use that as an excuse to gossip about the energy vampire or one-upper who's getting you down - that won't bring you any joy.

Just appreciate those who truly get you and let them fill your energy up. They will listen to your stories, without the need to interrupt with a 'better' one.

Avoid

If you've tried everything, it's time to take the obvious path. If it's a friend or coworker, see if you can bring other people along as buffer, or only catch up in positive circumstances, like at a group celebration or for a quick coffee when you're following it up with a fun-filled day.

Try and see a movie with the one-upper so they can't spend the entire time trying to outdo you (ha!). Or share your family weekend snaps with the energy vampire at work to instill positivity. 

And for your own sanity, choose 'less about' these people on social media.

Do bear in mind that most people won't change, so look out for yourself and remember, life's too short to let people irritate you.