How to Stop Yelling At Your Kids

When I became a parent, I was extremely shocked to find out that there was a monster living inside me. 

A monster who yelled very loudly. 

That yelling also often felt completely “out of the blue”. 

I was really mortified by this side of myself, as are most mums I talk with.

You might feel ashamed about yelling, but I want you to know that I’ve found the solution. 

I’ve often compared the moments before I yell to a pressure cooker. I’m trying to get on with something, or trying to ignore the noises from my daughter, and then bam, I feel like I just explode.

The reason we yell is because we aren’t processing the emotions we’re feeling in that moment. That’s why we lash out and yell.

But please don’t feel bad about this if you do it too. I definitely didn’t take a class about processing emotions at school, did you? You may have never even heard of this concept. 

Feeling our feelings is something we need to learn and I’m excited to teach you how. 

What You’re Currently Doing

There are three main things we do with uncomfortable emotions like frustration, annoyance and anger. 

First, we might resist them. I used to love doing this. This looks like fighting our emotions, thinking things like “I don’t want to feel this” or “I need to feel better ASAP” or “What’s wrong with me?” This is usually very tiring and it actually just increases the emotion and makes it stay around for longer because we don’t process it. Eventually an emotion we’ve resisted comes to the surface.

We also react to our emotions, which is what I had also been doing. This looks like actually lashing out – yelling, screaming, crying, you get the idea. It feels like a release, but it’s usually not how we want to behave and it usually comes back again right?

The last thing we do with uncomfortable emotions is avoid them. Let’s be honest, I liked doing this too. The most common ways people do this is through overeating, overdrinking, overworking and over-social-media-ing. We feel frustrated, or upset, or angry, and we go and get a glass of wine, or some chocolate, or go on Instagram. 

How To Allow Your Emotions

Let’s say you’re feeling angry at your toddler. When you allow the feeling of anger without resisting (finding a way to feel better), reacting (yelling at them), or avoiding (having a wine or getting on your phone), you’re going to notice the emotion and observe it with compassion instead. 

You might need to step away if you can, or sit within the toddler chaos, but you’re going to describe the emotion in detail, which is the quickest way to process it. 

Instead of running away from the emotion, which usually ends up in yelling, go into the emotion and have a look at it. It’s only a vibration in your body, it’s not going to hurt you, I promise.

Think about where it’s sitting in your body, what colour it is, what it feels like. Look with compassion and just observe it. 

This skill is one of the most important you’ll ever learn. Once you’re good at it, it will completely change your relationship with yourself and your partner and kids, because you won’t be so reactive anymore. 

You’ll actually be compassionate to yourself and able to move through your negative emotions so much faster. 

Does this concept resonate with you? If you’d like me to personally walk you through how to feel a negative emotion, you can book a mini session with me here. I’d love to help you with this.